Aging Gracefully: How to Embrace the Golden Years on Your Own Terms

It may entail accepting the number of candles on your birthday cake without making an effort to appear or behave younger than you actually are for some seniors. But for some people, particularly those who have physical limitations, it's a euphemism that minimises the difficulties associated with getting older. But everyone who is older can age gracefully. What matters is your mindset, not your appearance or your ability to engage in certain activities.

Of all, there isn't a blueprint for how to behave in later life, and there aren't many positive role models for today's elders. When it comes to defining "ageing gracefully," our society is still in rather uncharted area. The average lifespan was 47 years old in 1900. Furthermore, it was just 58 in 1950. Thus, the majority of those with grey hair were seen as "aged" for decades. That's not the situation anymore.

Now we can establish our own regulations. You can age gracefully by selecting your own mindset and method of change. Everyone is unique. Each of us faces particular obstacles and strengths.

Think about how the word "grace" came to be: Its root word, "gratus," meaning delightful in Latin. Many elderly people claim that one advantage of being older is realising they just have to please themselves. Therefore, it's crucial to feel good about yourself as you deal with the unavoidable changes that occur with becoming older. Senior year is a time to recognise your successes and the wisdom you've gained from life's experiences.

How Does One Age Gracefully?

"Don't be sorry for becoming older. It's a privilege that not everyone has." Although the originator of the words is unknown, the sentiment is ageless. Growing older isn't a bad thing, despite the messages that are frequently broadcast to us that it is (especially considering the alternative).

In actuality, we generally become happier as we age. One explanation could be that as we get older, we typically experience fewer work- and relationship-related pressures. However, psychologists also think that through adversity, we develop a more rounded viewpoint.

Instead of comparing our situations to others' and aiming for more worldly possessions, a growing awareness of our own death may make us value our lives more. And studies have shown that what affects how satisfied we are with our lives is our attitude and connection to others. The influential Harvard Study of Adult Development concluded that lifestyle factors have a greater impact on happiness levels than celebrity or income. This study followed people into their 80s and 90s. Furthermore, "subjective health" (i.e., how well you feel) has a bigger influence than "objective health" (whether or not you have health issues).

In other words, how we feel about becoming older might have a significant impact on how we treat it. Many seniors don't consider themselves to be "aged" at all for this reason, among others. A Pew Research Center study found that over half of young adults between the ages of 18 and 29 say they feel their age. However, 60% of persons over 65 claim to feel younger than their actual age. Only 3% of people say they feel older than they are. (In contrast, roughly 25% of those between the ages of 18 and 25 claim they feel older than their actual age.)

Therefore, if "old age" is not a fixed stage of life, the adage "you're only as young as you feel" may be a useful tip for ageing gracefully. As we age with dignity, it may also be important for us to maintain an open mind, learn, and change.

According to this theory, maintaining close friendships and engaging in enjoyable activities are crucial elements of ageing gracefully. What matters is how we handle the tasks in our daily lives, not necessarily how effectively we conceal the external indications of ageing.

The Aging Process and Happiness: Ego Integrity vs. Despair

Why do we age? The answer is complex, with many factors coming into play (including many unknown factors). Here's one aging definition that's perhaps too concise: the accumulation of damage to our cells, a process which starts as young as the age of 24. It's an incomplete definition because it only accounts for the physical causes of aging, not the psychological impacts of physical changes.

Here's another important fact to remember: Not all changes are bad. In fact, our brains undergo some positive changes with age, such as giving us calmer reactions to negative experiences. However, that isn't necessarily true of everyone: You probably know a few people who always respond more negatively to unwanted change than others.

That leads to another question: Why do some people remain open to new experiences as they age, while others become more set in their ways? Psychologists may have an answer.

According to development psychologist Erik Erikson's stages of development theory, a life is divided into eight separate stages, each marked by the need to resolve an internal conflict. In the eighth stage, which begins around the age of 65, the conflict is about ego integrity versus despair.

According to Erikson, ego integrity versus despair is a conflict that can be resolved by reflecting on your life and taking stock of your accomplishments and failures:

• Overall, do you feel proud of your life? If so, you're in a state of ego integrity. (That doesn't necessarily mean you haven't made any mistakes, but you feel fulfilled when you look back on the things you've done.)
• Or are you bitter about life's disappointments? If so, you may be in a state of despair. (People in a despairing state may be more fearful of death because they feel they haven't done enough with their lives. They may also be depressed and angry. And they might react more negatively to age-related physical and emotional changes and have a more rigid mindset about aging.)

Part of aging gracefully may involve achieving the ego integrity stage. If we understand the purpose and meaning of our lives, we'll be more prepared for the inevitable challenges of growing older. We can adapt to change more easily. That's why this kind of mature perspective can be one of the rewards of aging—benefits that are backed by science. Research has found that seniors with positive attitudes toward aging experience less cognitive decline. And those positive feelings can even lead to a longer life.

Of course, it's hard to maintain a positive attitude if you have medical problems, experience loneliness, or suffer from depression. But if physical or psychological problems are influencing the way you feel about growing older, talk to your doctor, therapist, or someone else you trust. As more and more Americans enter their senior years, more help is becoming available.

4 External Signs of Aging and How to Approach Them Gracefully

It's possible to predict some events in the aging process by decade of life. (For example, by age 60, most women have completed menopause.) But as we get older, it's often harder to guess a person's age. A combination of lifestyle, genetics, and just plain luck influences how old a person appears to be. Simply put, we all age differently. And since we can't control time, aging slowly isn't possible. (Those birthdays are going to happen every year, no matter what we do.) But some people do seem to look younger than others of the same age.

These external factors often play a role in how we feel about our age, even though we're reacting to elements that are only appearance-based. They can also impact how we're perceived by others. As a result, many people are upset when they start to see signs of growing older (especially if they still feel young).

Although we know that we shouldn't stress about these signs, sometimes it's hard not to. Our society tends to view signs of aging as something to hide instead of celebrate. So we don't always recognize the rewards of this stage of life. Even when we're told that "60 is the new 40," for example, the underlying assumption is that being 40 is inherently better than being 60.

But graceful aging doesn't necessarily mean accepting wrinkles and grey hair and learning to love them. Instead, to age gracefully means to pay attention to what makes you feel best. So check out these four commonly asked questions about the outward signs of aging and learn what you should consider:

1. Going Grey: What Should I Do?

"Grey hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life."—Proverbs 16:31

Does that adage make you chuckle? Some individuals view grey hair as a sign of experience and maturity. But if they start to get grey early, most people aren't all that delighted. After all, people with grey hair are frequently labelled as "aged" just because their hair is lacking in colour.

Even having grey hair can spark debate. (Just think of the journalistic attention that the Duchess of Cambridge received when she was pictured sporting grey roots.) However, a rising number of people now accept their grey or silver hair. In reality, a growing number of young individuals are choosing to dye their hair in these hues: One of the biggest beauty-related news topics of 2018 was the grey hair craze.

Should you colour over greying hair? This is a complicated question for many seniors. But the natural process of hair turning grey is actually quite simple: The follicle at the root of each hair strand contains pigment cells with a substance called melanin that determines the colour of that strand. As we age, these pigment cells gradually die off, so new hair strands become more transparent. The result? Grey, silver, or white hair.

Despite what many of us have heard, stress doesn't turn hair grey. In fact, hair never actually turns grey. Rather, each hair follicle determines the colour of a strand from its very beginning. So if a strand starts out blond, it will stay blond (unless you dye it). But stress can cause hair loss. So if you're at an age when your follicles aren't producing as much melanin, more of the strands that grow back after a period of hair loss may be grey. As a result, it might feel as if you're suddenly going grey due to stress.

Genetics play the biggest role in determining when we start to go grey. And medical conditions, such as thyroid problems, can cause premature greying. Some evidence also points to poor nutrition and environmental exposure to certain toxins as factors. But one thing is clear: Grey hair is a normal part of aging, and it is difficult to avoid. As British humour writer P.G. Wodehouse said, "There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine."

Although it's nothing to be ashamed of, hiding grey hair is a big industry. According to an article in Psychology Today, Americans spend over $2 billion annually on women's hair-colouring products and $150 million on men's products. (That big difference indicates a double standard in our attitudes about gender and grey hair.) Women spend $330 a year, on average, colouring their hair. Some salons charge as much as $600 a visit. And despite the cost, an AARP article notes that about 56 percent of women over 70 colour their hair.

Whether or not you choose to cover your grey is a very personal decision. On the one hand, colouring grey hair can be costly and time-consuming. On the other hand, some people prefer the way they look without their greys showing. Plus, Harvard researchers found that women who dye their grey hair have lower blood pressure, not because of some magical substance in the hair dye, but perhaps because they feel younger. (Some psychologists speculate that our bodies might internalize the messages we give them related to appearance.)

One factor that can complicate the decision to stop dyeing your hair is that going grey gracefully is difficult without an awkward transition phase. But if you want to stop colouring your hair, a hairdresser can help you create a plan.

For example, strategically placed highlights or lowlights can ease the going-grey transition. And chemical treatments like colour remover or temporary colour can help you adjust to having more grey hair. Styles also make a difference: As more grey appears, a layered cut can make the contrast less obvious. For home colouring, using semi-permanent dyes allows colour to fade gradually. (In order to avoid patchy colour, hairdressers suggest waiting until roots are at least 60-percent grey before deciding to go "all grey.")

If you decide to flaunt your grey hair, stylists recommend using a hair gloss to keep it shiny. (Grey and silver hair absorb light, so it's easier for those colours to look dull.) And because the texture of grey hair can be dry, you should use a good conditioner. Also, talk to your hairstylist about good grey hairstyles: A great cut makes a huge difference.

Of course, hair loss can also be a tough issue for seniors. In fact, the AARP article referenced earlier revealed that going bald is the top fear related to the male aging process, ahead of impotence. But, similar to the grey-hair trend, many younger men are now choosing to shave their heads, even if they haven't lost much hair yet. So it may be better to accept your hair loss than fight it. Hairdressers advise that balding men avoid the "comb over," which fools nobody.

2. How Can I Protect My Skin?

For some seniors, in addition to deciding what to do about going grey, looking great (however they define it) also involves making decisions about skin care. After all, wrinkles, fine lines, and age spots are another part of the normal aging process as our skin becomes drier and less elastic. And with age, some of the lifestyle choices we made back in our youth may show up in our skin. (For example, not too long ago, it was common to sunbathe while lathered in baby oil instead of sunscreen. Now we know that those ultraviolet rays can lead to sun damage.)

Just remember this: You've earned your wrinkles and laugh lines. As fashion designer Diane von Furstenberg said, "My face carries all my memories. Why would I erase them?"

Of course, many of us try to keep our skin looking youthful as long as we can. That's why you'll find hundreds of skin-care products making big promises related to aging. But beware of getting caught in a cycle of always seeking the "magic bullet" solution.

Most skin-care products don't work instantly, so you won't see immediate results. But that doesn't mean you should give up and buy something new. In fact, cosmetic companies make a lot of money from our ongoing quest to find the best anti-aging skin-care product. So if you're not sure what works for your skin, focus on products' ingredients (not the marketing) and talk things over with your primary care doctor or a dermatologist.

Also, remember that good skin starts from within. No matter how much money you spend on anti-aging treatments, if you're not looking after your health, it can show in your skin. Good nutrition, moderate exercise, and sleep can all help.

And, of course, sunscreen is essential—even on cloudy days. Ultimately, however, when it comes to our faces, our attitudes may be more influential in how we're perceived than our wrinkles. That's because people who have a happy expression are often perceived to be

younger.

3. Hygiene: Why Do Old People Smell Different?

Even seniors with impeccable hygiene can develop a distinct odor. Although this is sometimes referred to as "old person smell," the correct term for the cause of the odor is nonenal. (Pronunciation of this word is with a short "e.") And contrary to popular belief, it's not caused by poor hygiene or lazy housekeeping. Instead, it's the result of the normal skin-aging process:

1. Our skin produces omega-7 fatty acid.
2. The acid degrades when it oxidizes on our skin, which produces a chemical called 2-nonenal. This chemical has a marked odor.
3. As we age, our skin produces more fatty acids. At the same time, our bodies' antioxidant abilities decrease. The result is an increase in 2-nonenal production.
4. Seniors sometimes experience lifestyle changes that can make the smell stronger. For example, an elderly person might not bathe or shower as often if they're afraid of falling.

Interestingly, researchers at the Monell Chemical Senses Center found that the scent associated with older people isn't necessarily unpleasant. In the study, participants were asked to sniff materials exposed to the armpits of subjects of various ages and rate the smell. Although the scent of seniors was the most recognizable, it wasn't rated as the most unpleasant in this context. (That honor went to the scent of middle-aged men.) In other words, it may be the nonenal scent's association with getting old that makes us want to avoid it.

Odour prevention can take some conscious effort. That's partly because normal soap doesn't necessarily prevent nonenal. Odor removal must target the specific compounds produced by the skin. Although most soaps are formulated to tackle the smell of perspiration, many aren't effective with nonenal. But some research suggests that soaps containing persimmon may work. As a result, so-called nonenal soap is available for purchase.

In addition to nonenal soap, lifestyle changes can help:

• Drink lots of water.
• Wear cotton clothing so that your skin can breathe easily.
• Bathe or shower regularly.
• Moisturize after bathing or showering.
• Exfoliate your skin.
• Reduce your stress, since it can increase the production of nonenal.
• Wash your laundry on a regular basis, if possible.

4. How Can I Avoid Age-Related Changes to My Posture?

Seniors are at risk for osteoporosis, muscle loss, and compression of the discs in the spine. The result can be a distinctive stooped posture, as well as aches, pains, and mobility limitations. Plus, how you carry yourself influences how others view you. So good posture and mobility can help with all aspects of aging gracefully, especially your ability to enjoy activities. It can also protect your health since good posture reduces the risk of falling and helps with breathing.

But improving your posture isn't just about reminding yourself to stand up straight. Often, you have to retrain and strengthen your muscles. Here are some good ways to work on your posture to avoid age-related changes:

• Stretch. Try doing some simple stretching exercises or enroll in a yoga class. Staying flexible helps prevent muscles from tightening and keeps you limber.
• Sit up straight. While you're sitting (especially at a computer or in front of a TV), focus on engaging your core muscles. Don't thrust your head too far forward. You may have to move your TV or computer a bit closer to you.
• Maintain a strength-training program. Strength training can address the muscle imbalances that lead to poor posture. (As always, talk to a doctor first!)
• Improve your core strength. Pilates, yoga, and gentle calisthenics are great activities for core strength. Swimming is also good. A personal trainer or physical therapist can help you create a program.
• Talk to your doctor about supplements or medication. Vitamin D supplements and medications like bisphosphonates can help strengthen bones. But they carry some risks, so consult with your doctor first.

Aging Gracefully: You Have the Power

One of the most concise and popular aging quotes is from Frank Lloyd Wright, the famous architect: "The longer I live, the more beautiful life becomes."

Although that outlook may not always be achievable when faced with setbacks or physical problems, it's important to remember that focusing on the positive aspects of this stage of life can help make growing older easier. If graceful aging means adapting to changes in a way that reflects our personal values, then remaining positive, open, and flexible is key.

Aging gracefully is definitely possible. Sure, we may need help to overcome certain challenges sometimes. But growing older continues to have its own rewards.